I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
