he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
