I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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