Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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