Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
