He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
