oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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