There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
