It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
