just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I stole a fireplace last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
