Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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