We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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