I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
