True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
