8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
