somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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