Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
