craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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