Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
