i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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