Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
