Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
