I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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