Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
