We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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