if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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