I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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