I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
