I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
