There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize