What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
