He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
