she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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