You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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