i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
