I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
