Pappa wants mamma naked
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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