just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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