Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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