I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize