so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
