Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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