'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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