therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize