As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize