if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
