Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
