I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
