I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize