We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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