Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
