Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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