She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
