Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
