Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
