just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
