he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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