Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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