What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
