Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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