there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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