i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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