Cold hands, warm shart.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize