like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
