If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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