Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
