she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
