If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
