I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
