i think i have two assholes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
