I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
