So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
