You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
