He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
