dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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