So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
