She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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