mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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