You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
