Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
