I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
