Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
