maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
