Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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