she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
