I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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