He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
