I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
