I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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