Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just google imaged poop.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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