Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
